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21 Funny Cat Quotes to Tickle Your Whiskers

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From hilarious excursions up the living room curtains to sneaky missions to steal a piece of chicken off your dinner plate, cats are undoubtedly quirky pets. Each one comes with his or her own likes, dislikes, and distinct personalities. Cat lovers know and embrace this truth, talking up their feline housemates to basically anyone who will listen.

And there have been some pretty funny feline observations over the years. From former presidents to poets and cartoonists, everyone has something to say about cats.

So, if you’re looking for funny cat quotes to express a truth about your fluffiest friend, keep reading. Chances are we have just the quote for the occasion.

Funny Cat Ownership Quotes

What’s it like to own a cat? These quotes sum it up purr-fectly!

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“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause the most inconvenience.” – Pam Brown, Poet

“One cat just leads to another.” – Ernest Hemingway, Writer

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.” – Christopher Hitchens, Writer

“A cat will do what it wants when it wants, and there’s not a thing you can do about it.” – Frank Perkins, Composer

“Cats are a mysterious kind of folk.” – Sir Walter Scott, Writer

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” – Ellen Perry Berkeley, Writer

Live Like a Cat Quotes

Cats know how to live life. Here are some funny cat quotes that prove it.

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“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” – Terry Pratchett, Writer

“Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailingly ingenious in that respect.” – James Mason, Actor 

“Dogs eat. Cats dine.” – Ann Taylor, Fashion Designer

“Cats have no guilt and very little shame.” – Ursula K. Le Guin, Writer

“Those who’ll play with cats must expect to be scratched.” – Miguel de Cervantes, Writer

Funny Cat Quotes

Cats can be hilarious—and these folks know why!

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“The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.” – Paula Poundstone, Humorist

“Cats never listen. They’re dependable that way; when Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.” – Seanan McGuire, Writer

“I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance – a sharp, vindictive glance.” – James Thurber, Cartoonist and Humorist

“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.” – Eddie Izzard, Actor

“My cat is not insane, she’s just a really good actress.” – P.C. Cast, Writer

“If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer.” – A.N. Whitehead, Mathematician and Philosopher

“The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal – or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be.” – Elizabeth Peters, Writer

“I read that when cats are cuddling and kneading you, and you think it’s cute, they’re really just checking your vitals for weak spots.” – Kandyse McClure, Actor

“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.” – Mark Twain, Writer

“If cats could talk, they wouldn’t.” – Nan Porter